It is now my 3rd year writing a birthday post recapping my past year and summarizing the things I learned. You can read my last two years here and here.
Foreword
I am not sure what exactly sparked my interest in writing a few years back. I certainly hated it when I was in grade school. It always felt like a chore. This was especially true with respect to writing in Russian, due in part, no doubt, to the complex grammar structures and my uninspiring (and uninspired) teachers. More fundamentally however, is that I didn’t like writing because I was simply not taught why writing is so important. Over the past few years, I have come to learn that it is an incredibly powerful medium to deliver ideas, with the added benefit that the delivered ideas can be absorbed by the reader at their own pace. This is quite different from, for example, video, audio, or live presentations. I hope that when you read any of my articles, you will not only have a chance to understand what I am trying to communicate, but also reflect on how some of these ideas impact you.
I am sure at this point you just want to hear what I have to say, so let’s get to it.
Lesson 1: Curb the habit of seeking happiness in “things”
Everyone agrees that having money feels good. Money offers a safety net and lets you experience life in a richer way. Money also buys you things. What I learned, however, is that having more things does not actually mean more happiness.
I admit, I wanted to start a company because I wanted money. I had dreams of buying a big house, a fast car, fancy clothes, etc. I thought that once I had those material things, I would be happy. More importantly, I assumed that the happiness achieved from accumulating more and nicer things, would endure, and indeed, compound as I acquired more nice things.
Buying things will give a spike of endorphins – possibly due to the excitement of owning something new - but it settles very quickly. As I grow older and have the ability to purchase more and nicer things, I am experiencing this effect first-hand. Rather than feeling compounding happiness from the accumulation of new purchases, I find that as soon as I obtain what I wanted, after the excitement has worn off, I quickly lose interest in it because I either want more of it, or something else, something better. There is always a faster car and a bigger house.
Warren Buffet famously lives in a modest house. When he was asked why he wouldn’t buy a bigger house, he said that he would if he thought it would bring him happiness.
I have now embraced that there isn’t a single thing in this world that will buy me lasting happiness or fulfillment. I look at things as a utility first (with a few exceptions, perhaps) and seek happiness in more sustainable mediums such as setting and accomplishing challenging goals, helping people, and learning.
Interestingly, I observed that even though people generally are aware of above principles we still live under a motto of “if we can afford it -- we should have it”. What I learned is the opposite – just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you should have it.
If you can buy a 5-bedroom house, should you? Or will it lead to you spending next 6 months filling it with expensive furniture that will be rarely used just so it looks good when your parents visit you once a year? Things tie you down because they become a consideration in your life in a way they should never have been. All of a sudden you will find yourself doubting your decisions about going to live abroad for a year just because it’s incredibly difficult to pack everything up and put it into storage.
Just because you have money doesn’t mean you need to spend it, especially since these purchases come with a hidden cost of limited flexibility, increased stress over these possessions, and additional time maintaining them away from what matter more – friends and family, hobbies, and the pursuit of your self-actualization.
Lesson 2: Not everything is all or nothing
“So, you are a vegetarian huh?”, is what I hear often when I order a vegetarian meal. Not exactly. This subconscious desire for people to put labels on themselves and other people means that we inevitably miss everything "in-between". People think “well, I don't want to be a 'vegetarian', so I guess I'll continue eating meat like I usually do”. What many people seem to miss is that there are options beyond eating meat twice a day and being a vegetarian – for example, you can eat meat once a week. You are not a vegetarian, but you can still substantially reduce meat consumption.
People think "I want to learn French but I can't learn it studying only twice a week. I need to move to France to learn it properly. I can't move to France, so I should not even bother trying learning French." You can find value in doing something in its own merit without ever reaching the perceived end goal.
I have learned that not everything has to be done 100% for it to matter. Often 90% is great already, even 50%. You don’t need to stop driving your car or buying food in plastic packaging entirely to feel like you are saving the environment. Ride a bike when you can, skip a plastic bag when you only have a handful of items, chose to buy fruit that isn’t in packaging, choose a vegetarian meal once in a while. Every time you make a choice towards a more sustainable lifestyle you create impact. You don’t need to label yourself a “minimalist” if you chose not to buy some useless decorative crap, or a “runner” if you just like to run once a week.
In fact, you don’t need to label yourself anything. Just be the best version of You!