This is the 7th year I’ve written on my birthday. (You can read the previous posts here.)
Every year the format of my birthday article changes, and this year is no exception. In the past, I've focused on lessons learned, but this year I will just share things that are on my mind.
–
Love capacity
By far, the most important event in this year of my life was the birth of my daughter. When I had my firstborn, it was impossible to imagine how I could love another child just as much as I loved him. However, after my daughter was born, I never had to question this again. With her first cry in this world, it is as if my capacity to love had suddenly expanded. I had twice as much love to give.
Something I've started to think about is whether there is a limit to love. I don’t know the answer to that yet, but what I do know is that everyone, myself included, has more capacity to love and more kindness to give than they probably believe.
Transformative Events
Throughout life, everyone experiences life-changing events. I think of them as two types of transformative events. The first type's impact may not always be immediate, but it gradually and profoundly shapes our lives moving forward. For me, these were starting a business, giving up alcohol, and picking my life partner. The gradual nature of such effects on our life gives us more time to learn how to maneuver and adapt to the new reality.
The other type unexpectedly alters our lives in significant ways. These changes are sudden, and their magnitude, immediacy, and permanence deliver a massive shock to the system. You wake up the next day, and you just know your life has changed forever. For me, those were moving to Canada and having my first child.
As shaken as such events of the second type can leave us feeling, there are many more events of the first kind, and it is important to remember that every day, we’re given a fresh opportunity to choose the road that brings us closer to our dreams, our targets, our ambitions, and our inner peace.
As for the second type, it is what defines the human journey—they call us to improvise, adapt, and overcome (to borrow from the Marines). These are the events that require us to rise to the occasion, and as such, should be viewed as opportunities for profound personal growth, inviting us to develop strengths we never knew we had and to acquire wisdom that only such challenges can teach.
The Hardest Forgiveness
Somewhat related to the above point is the topic of forgiveness. I wrote about this subject last year when I was on the forgiving side. This year I found myself on the other side: having to ask for forgiveness. You might think the hardest part was asking for forgiveness, but it wasn’t.
On a number of occasions, I didn’t fully accept the forgiveness when it was granted. I wanted to punish myself emotionally to reach a perception of fairness I had fabricated in my head. One day it became obvious to me that we are the people least likely to forgive ourselves. Self-blame, regret, and the burden of feeling guilty erode the human spirit and crush our self-worth, our abilities, and our potential.
When a person has forgiven you, it’s time to forgive yourself. Even when the other person hasn’t forgiven you, it is also sometimes time to forgive yourself. Do this so you can lift the burden, go on to be a better version of yourself, and be better to others.
This is not an easy journey, but the path to self-betterment begins with self-awareness. At the very least, this came to my attention this year.
Thank you.