Dear Daughter,
When your brother was born I wrote him a letter. I didn’t hold back any insights because after the dramatic, bombshell experience of having our first child, your mother and I were pretty sure he would be our only one… until he wasn’t, and now we have you :) Everything I said to him then and what I want to tell you now applies to you both.
I once heard a saying “Don’t buy [children] what you didn’t have. Teach them what you weren’t taught.” In the last year and a half since you were born, I have learned so much from you, and there is so much I want to tell you and teach you. Some of these lessons have made it into this letter.
One. The greatest things in life come from taking action. Better to take action and regret it, than to live with the regret of not having taken it.
Two. The most rewarding moments of our lives can be among the hardest. For me, those were starting the business and having you two. Being in the thick of it, I admit that sometimes I daydream about when you and the business grow up. I try to remind myself that when this happens, I will no longer be "in it," and I will just be watching these golden years from the sidelines of memory. Life is short—appreciate the times while you are “in it.”
Three. True freedom comes not from the absence of constraints on your thoughts and behaviour but (maybe paradoxically) from the ability to restrain your thoughts and behaviour. Freedom comes not from indulging but rather from mastery over your mind and the ability to say "no." Sometimes, it may feel more liberating than saying "yes." Seek freedom in discipline and control.
Four. The most powerful tool at your disposal to shape your life and yourself is your choice. To become the person you want to be, choose to act in accordance with what that person would do. To be a runner—choose to start running. To be well-informed—choose to start reading. The second most powerful tool is your willpower. Make these choices again and again until you become the person you aspire to be.
Five. If your heart aches to tell something to a person—do it. Don’t leave things unsaid.
Six. In all relationships, there will be highs and lows, periods of closeness and periods of distance, periods of tension and periods of seamless bliss. It goes without saying that we ought to extend love and compassion to our partners. Especially, try to extend these gifts not when you feel like it but when your partner needs it most.
Seven. In the end, nobody regrets being closer to their family. Spread your wings and explore the world, but do come home. Protect, nurture, and strengthen relationships with your family—they are invaluable.
Eight. It’s never too late to do the right thing. Don’t let fear or ego seduce you into thinking it is.
Nine. This one is from your grandfather on the responsibility of a parent: “Our job, as parents and grandparents, is to instill in our children and grandchildren an inquiring mind, a charitable heart, and an independent spirit.” I will do everything I can to instill these in you—but also, please do everything you can to intentionally grow and develop them within yourself throughout the course of your life.
Ten. I want to also take a second to pass a message from your mother. She asked me to tell you that if you and her ever fight when you are grown up, know that she cuddled you every night when you were a baby, that she made many mistakes but still did her very best, that she wants you to be safe, and that she loves you.
Lastly, I also want to tell you how much I love you. My love for you has shown me just how much love must exist in this crazy world, and it gives me hope. The amount of love I have for you will be impossible for you to understand now because children cannot have that same love towards their parents, and that’s okay—it’s only natural. One day, I hope you will have children of your own and will experience this love too.
Love you always,
Your Papa